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Miscommunication Joke



A Knock at South African Crime

n Boer maak 'n plan, maar 'n "Coloured" maak MAGIC
An old man lived alone in Cape Town. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Clemence, who used to help him, was in Polsmoor Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Clemence,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love,

Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
For heaven's sake, Papa, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the bodies.

Love,
Clemence

At 4 A.M. the next morning, the Scorpion Unit, NIA agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love

Clemence."


Romantic first-liners and not so romantic second-liners
  • I thought that I could love no other
    Until, that is, I met your brother.

  • Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
  • Of loving beauty you float with grace
    If only you could hide your face.

  • Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
    This describes everything you are not.

  • I want to feel your sweet embrace
    But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

  • I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

  • My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
    Marrying you screwed up my life.

  • I see your face when I am dreaming.
    That's why I always wake up screaming.

  • My love, you take my breath away.
    What have you stepped in to smell this way?

  • My feelings for you no words can tell
    Except for maybe "Go To Hell".

  • What inspired this amorous rhyme?
    Two parts vodka, one part lime.



A letter from Hell

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
"Dad".
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grand children.
Love, your son, John.


P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Tommy's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.
I love you!
Please Call when it is safe for me to come home.

A Confused Taxi Owner?

Joke of the Week